I hope you give your DH lots of hugs and support and tell him please, 1,000,000 times, that he’s a good son and he’s doing the very best thing.
And when SIL is finally in jail, I think a lot of people will be doing the Snoopy dance. I think right now you already have enough to lock her away for good. I really hope she gets a lawyer involved because then you can bring all this crap to light, get her put away, get your MIL in better quarters, and leave all this behind you. Lots of hugs from here; hang on as best you can. I think this ride is going to be over soon.
Dh answered the phone and it was his mother. He could tell instantly she was being coached, but he was so relieved to hear her voice he didn’t care. All in all they “spoke” for about 30 to an hour minutes. She started out asking how he was and just general chit chat and then he heard a voice behind her mutter something. Right in the middle of their “discussion” his mother spoke as if she was reading from a ransom note “I want you to call—the broker—and tell him to give me my money. He could tell she was reading it by the way she stuttered over the name and the monotone she used. He politely asked her what she wanted the money for. There was a long silence that only happens when a hand is put over a phone and then “I bought a house so I need the down payment.”
He was prepared for this. He asked her how she bought a house without putting the down payment first. She of course had no idea. He asked where it was, she had to do another long muted pause then quoted an area, then changed it and he said. “Mom, that is not a good neighborhood, you will lose your investment there.” She asked what he meant by it not being a good neighborhood—which it definitely isn’t. He asked her if she’d seen the house—no was the answer then another silence a yes was said. He asked her what the house looked like and when she started going silent he started peppering her with questions to keep W (the sil) from being able to prompt her.
She had no idea what color the house was, how many bedrooms, or bathrooms it had, the exact address, how big the lot was anything. Then he asked her point blank if she had signed a contract for the house. She answered no, that W had. He said “then Mom you aren’t buying a house W is and I have no plans of giving W any money for anything. If she wants to buy a house she can get a job.”
There was the muted silence again and she repeated she wanted the money to buy the house reading the same note in the same monotone, that she needed the house. He asked what she needed it for, she of course had no answer.
I lost count of how many times she couldn’t answer his questions or would say “I don’t know” or “I don’t understand.” He was gentle with her the whole time and I also lost track of how many times he told her he loved and missed her, but he had to protect her from W.
When she would ask the same questions over and over he would answer as if it was the first time she had asked the question. When you deal with dementia or Alzheimer’s you get use to doing this. While the people have, at least for a while, long term memories their short term is almost zero.
He asked her more than once why she thought W needed the money more than the other three kids, and of course his mother had no answer for that. He asked her if she remembered going to the brokers office back in 1999. She said yes, so he asked her why she put the money in his name. She replied “to protect it for me, in case I ever had an emergency.” He told her that was right and that giving money to W so she could buy a house was not an emergency. She agreed. He then asked her why she thought w needed the money more than him, she said W didn’t, but W wanted it so she HAD to give it o her. He told her she didn’t owe W anything and she said “If I don’t get it for her I will have to live alone and I can’t live alone.” He reassured her that he’d make sure she was not be homeless and that if she had to move out of W’s (which we’d like nothing better) we’d find her a nice place to live with people her own age she could play cards with every day (her absolute favorite thing to do—but she cheats and is so obvious about it it’s comical) She said W said if she lived alone no one would ever come see her. Dh told her that he and his brother and the rest of the family would come see her all the time, just like we did before W forced her to move in with her. She said W told her she couldn’t take her dog. He told her the place he was thinking of would let the dog come. He reassured her again that he would protect her and he loved her. All the while getting more and more angry at what sil had told this poor woman.
The sil never got on the phone, she knew better than to. While speaking to his mother he told her about the cc, the sneaking around to the broker and many other things, but of course dmil will not remember any of it tomorrow. At the end he told her once again he loved her, but that he had to go. There was another long silence and dmil said “what?” He thought she was talking to him, so he told her again he loved her, but she responded with “I’m suppose to tell you give me the money now or I’ll get a lawyer.”
He gently replied “Mom if W thinks that’s what she wants to do then she’ll have to do it. It will cost her more in legal fees than is in the account and I will counter sue her for everything she’s stolen from you and me. I already have a lawyer on retainer. I’m just doing what you asked me to do and what I promised Dad I’d do. I’m keeping W from taking advantage of you. No court in the land is going to force me to give up your future care fund so W can buy a house.
It was so sad it broke my heart. He was so sweet and gentle with her. After he got off the phone he sat there just numb for the longest time. Finally he said “I think I just spoke to my mother for the last time in her life. I hate my sister for what she has done to this family.” Ds tried to perk him up for about 30 minutes and then turned to me as if to say ‘what do we do now.”
I said “Do you think you should call your brother? The two men are so close and the tears started flowing on both sides of the phone line just a few minutes into their conversation. Dbil says if it goes to court he’ll testify in our behalf about all the stuff that has gone on these last 14 years. After the two men got off the phone dh was in much better spirits and the good sil and I chatted until nearly 11 pm and both our phones were dying.
Outside it has been sleeting all evening, the guys may end up telecommuting tomorrow, but that is fine. Dh is still reeling from the emotions of today, so him being home where there is love and warmth may be a very good thing. It is far from over. I’m certain the sil will try something else. She never takes no well, but for now dh has drawn the line in the sand and if she crosses it she might just find herself in a very unflattering jumpsuit.