Doesn’t sound your MIL is able to protect herself emotionally from what she is going through with only SIL there. They can look into her money and where it has gone. Should probably alert the broker as well in case MIL shows up with some notarized something changing the current arrangement. Hope everything works out for her and for you also.
but I commend your DH for handling his mom so gently yet being firm to the SIL through her. Relaying the events to his brother was a very good idea emotionally as well as for a witness, etc. Must be reassuring to have his support and know that he knows what is going on. Hope that this is resolved quickly and that your DMIL is able to be free of it all.
I hope you give your DH lots of hugs and support and tell him please, 1,000,000 times, that he’s a good son and he’s doing the very best thing.
And when SIL is finally in jail, I think a lot of people will be doing the Snoopy dance. I think right now you already have enough to lock her away for good. I really hope she gets a lawyer involved because then you can bring all this crap to light, get her put away, get your MIL in better quarters, and leave all this behind you. Lots of hugs from here; hang on as best you can. I think this ride is going to be over soon.
Dh answered the phone and it was his mother. He could tell instantly she was being coached, but he was so relieved to hear her voice he didn’t care. All in all they “spoke” for about 30 to an hour minutes. She started out asking how he was and just general chit chat and then he heard a voice behind her mutter something. Right in the middle of their “discussion” his mother spoke as if she was reading from a ransom note “I want you to call—the broker—and tell him to give me my money. He could tell she was reading it by the way she stuttered over the name and the monotone she used. He politely asked her what she wanted the money for. There was a long silence that only happens when a hand is put over a phone and then “I bought a house so I need the down payment.”
He was prepared for this. He asked her how she bought a house without putting the down payment first. She of course had no idea. He asked where it was, she had to do another long muted pause then quoted an area, then changed it and he said. “Mom, that is not a good neighborhood, you will lose your investment there.” She asked what he meant by it not being a good neighborhood—which it definitely isn’t. He asked her if she’d seen the house—no was the answer then another silence a yes was said. He asked her what the house looked like and when she started going silent he started peppering her with questions to keep W (the sil) from being able to prompt her.
She had no idea what color the house was, how many bedrooms, or bathrooms it had, the exact address, how big the lot was anything. Then he asked her point blank if she had signed a contract for the house. She answered no, that W had. He said “then Mom you aren’t buying a house W is and I have no plans of giving W any money for anything. If she wants to buy a house she can get a job.”
There was the muted silence again and she repeated she wanted the money to buy the house reading the same note in the same monotone, that she needed the house. He asked what she needed it for, she of course had no answer.
I lost count of how many times she couldn’t answer his questions or would say “I don’t know” or “I don’t understand.” He was gentle with her the whole time and I also lost track of how many times he told her he loved and missed her, but he had to protect her from W.
When she would ask the same questions over and over he would answer as if it was the first time she had asked the question. When you deal with dementia or Alzheimer’s you get use to doing this. While the people have, at least for a while, long term memories their short term is almost zero.
He asked her more than once why she thought W needed the money more than the other three kids, and of course his mother had no answer for that. He asked her if she remembered going to the brokers office back in 1999. She said yes, so he asked her why she put the money in his name. She replied “to protect it for me, in case I ever had an emergency.” He told her that was right and that giving money to W so she could buy a house was not an emergency. She agreed. He then asked her why she thought w needed the money more than him, she said W didn’t, but W wanted it so she HAD to give it o her. He told her she didn’t owe W anything and she said “If I don’t get it for her I will have to live alone and I can’t live alone.” He reassured her that he’d make sure she was not be homeless and that if she had to move out of W’s (which we’d like nothing better) we’d find her a nice place to live with people her own age she could play cards with every day (her absolute favorite thing to do—but she cheats and is so obvious about it it’s comical) She said W said if she lived alone no one would ever come see her. Dh told her that he and his brother and the rest of the family would come see her all the time, just like we did before W forced her to move in with her. She said W told her she couldn’t take her dog. He told her the place he was thinking of would let the dog come. He reassured her again that he would protect her and he loved her. All the while getting more and more angry at what sil had told this poor woman.
The sil never got on the phone, she knew better than to. While speaking to his mother he told her about the cc, the sneaking around to the broker and many other things, but of course dmil will not remember any of it tomorrow. At the end he told her once again he loved her, but that he had to go. There was another long silence and dmil said “what?” He thought she was talking to him, so he told her again he loved her, but she responded with “I’m suppose to tell you give me the money now or I’ll get a lawyer.”
He gently replied “Mom if W thinks that’s what she wants to do then she’ll have to do it. It will cost her more in legal fees than is in the account and I will counter sue her for everything she’s stolen from you and me. I already have a lawyer on retainer. I’m just doing what you asked me to do and what I promised Dad I’d do. I’m keeping W from taking advantage of you. No court in the land is going to force me to give up your future care fund so W can buy a house.
It was so sad it broke my heart. He was so sweet and gentle with her. After he got off the phone he sat there just numb for the longest time. Finally he said “I think I just spoke to my mother for the last time in her life. I hate my sister for what she has done to this family.” Ds tried to perk him up for about 30 minutes and then turned to me as if to say ‘what do we do now.”
I said “Do you think you should call your brother? The two men are so close and the tears started flowing on both sides of the phone line just a few minutes into their conversation. Dbil says if it goes to court he’ll testify in our behalf about all the stuff that has gone on these last 14 years. After the two men got off the phone dh was in much better spirits and the good sil and I chatted until nearly 11 pm and both our phones were dying.
Outside it has been sleeting all evening, the guys may end up telecommuting tomorrow, but that is fine. Dh is still reeling from the emotions of today, so him being home where there is love and warmth may be a very good thing. It is far from over. I’m certain the sil will try something else. She never takes no well, but for now dh has drawn the line in the sand and if she crosses it she might just find herself in a very unflattering jumpsuit.
We both noticed about five people who seemed to be there for a long time, I thought they possibly were family members of some patient. Turned out they were all interpreters for the patients coming in. It was an office of orthopedic specialists, they had huge packets of information to be filled out. It was suprising but then I thought possibly since this is a large agricultural area and a lot of hispanic people here do very hard manual labor in the fields and with the crops, picking, pruning etc they might have a larger incidence of back, neck and shoulder trouble. Even the english speaking people were struggling with the 15 pages of info to be filled out so can understand why anyone else would need help. Don’t know how common that position is but there was a need there, always lots of court interpreters in our area too.
I know a hospital we deal with uses translators due to many foreign patients. You might could find work in other private ventures such as conventions, large comanpanies, especially those who trade internationally, schools, etc. It seems like you’d be able to work as a free lance translator so you’re not tied to one company, just in case it’s not for you.
I’m paying a tutor $50 an hour for pre-calc tutoring for my DD. The tutor is a math teacher in our district. If there is a market for tutoring, that may be a great source. Also, years ago when my DD was younger, she was in an after school Spanish class held at a friend’s house. We had about 4 kids, paid the teacher $15 each for the 1 – 1 ½ hour lesson once a week. She also did cool cultural crafts and foods and taught about different holiday traditions.
As you practice up on your Spanish, these may be great possibilities.
I took the course in 2014. At the time, I didn’t have much debt, just under $100 on a credit card, and my mortgage. I was more curious to just learn the principles of good personal finance, and I had been listening to the radio show for a while, so when a church I had been attending as a visitor offered the course, I jumped in.
I paid off the credit card pretty easily, and quickly. I still had a mortgage, and I was working in a pretty low-paying job – earning just over $11 per hour.
About a year later, in February of 2011, I was laid off from my job. I had worked there for over 10 years, and I really didn’t know what else to do with myself. I had a BA in English, an MA in Spanish, one year of teaching experience (which had taught me I wasn’t cut out to be a teacher), and I had worked in purchasing for this company since my early 30s.
I started looking around for a job, but of course the market was tight. I applied for customer service jobs that paid around $9 or $10 per hour. It was pretty depressing.
My aunt passed away about a month after I was laid off from work.
My father (her brother) was her only heir. A penny-pinching school teacher herself, she had saved quite a bit of money, and had been retired for many years, living on a fairly comfortable teacher’s pension.
After my father sold her house, and settled the rest of her affairs, he decided to split some of the savings she had left between me and my 3 brothers. My part was just enough to pay off what remained of my mortgage.
So, as of April 2011, I have been completely debt-free, including the mortgage.
The only area of my life I still struggle with is employment and income. In Dave’s words I “need to get my income up.”
I started volunteering at a couple of school libraries in the autumn of 2015. I got my teaching certificate reissued, and signed up to be a substitute teacher.
I realized I still am not really cut out for being a classroom teacher. However, I really enjoyed volunteering in a library.
I applied for a part time job with the local public library, and got it. I work in a small branch of the library, in a neighborhood that is largely Spanish-speaking. My Spanish is improving, and I enjoy the library and the people I work with.
I started a graduate program in library science last summer (2016). I expect to finish in August of 2013. I have been taking a full time load of classes each semester, so I can finish quickly.
I still make less than $11 per hour, and money is extremely tight, but not having a mortgage makes all the difference. If I still had a mortgage, I would not have been able to change careers like this. I would have had to take another low paying job in a call center or something I don’t really enjoy.
I reviewed Lesson 11 from FPU recently. My Disc analysis shows I’m a high SC. I think Dan Miller, from 48Days (dot) com is also a high SC. I purchased his personality profile a few of years ago, and his analysis also shows I am high SC, and specifically I’m a “Peacemaker.”
There is a list of suggested career matches in the report. Library science matches both the S and the C categories, so I think I’m on the right track.
My biggest concern is the lack of entry level professional librarian job openings right now. Many libraries are still reeling from budget cuts (school, public and academic libraries).
I wonder if there are some other ways I can increase my income, while I wait for a position that pays a decent professional salary?
I looked at Jim Cockrum’s website (I don’t know if you’ve heard of him), and he has an eCourse on selling through Amazon.com, using Fulfillment By Amazon.
Is this something that sounds doable or legit? Has anyone on the group tried it?
She hung herself basically and at this point orange will look good on her no matter what condition her teeth are in.
It’s wonderful news that your mil can get out of this situation. Well I’ll continue to hope that she is put back in your direct care when this is all over and done with.
but dh because “legally” the money is dh’s too, although we consider it 100% dmil’s. So he is looking out for both their best interests. It’s been wonderfully peaceful here today. Other than thawing out my purse. LOL! There has been no drama and I’d like to keep it that way. Thank you so much for the chants.
I’ve been chanting for your MIL and your situation (I’m Buddhist) to resolve itself in a way to protect your MIL.
Glad your broker firmly told you that you couldn’t cash things either. Means he’s really working for your MIL’s protection, which should really set your husband’s heart at ease (and yours too).
Perhaps K knows of an attorney who specializes in elder care. It sounds as if your mother in law is in a very volatile situation and needs to be removed immediately. Perhaps you can receive some good sound advice from the Baptist care facility you would and should move her to this week, or as soon as possible. You must be worried for her safety and care. I am.
She needs to be moved from SIL’s care as soon as possible. Adult protective services should now be called in to facilitate her move. This behavior indicates that SIL is not competent to care for another incompetent person and guardianship and conservator ship should be pursued.
Not only has SIL now been turned in, AND voided any claim she might otherwise have had on DMIL’s assets, but you know that DMIL is at least up and around and walking and not all busted up or starving to death. I do think the proverbial corner has been turned on this one. I’d still like to see SIL actually in jail and DMIL actually in your protective custody. Or down the road at the Old Friendly Baptists’ Home. NowGuaranteed is guaranteed approval payday loans from real lender. Hopefully both of those will come to be very, very soon. Doin’ the Snoopy here, for you and your DH and your DMIL.
About an hour and a half ago I suddenly felt so relaxed and as if a burden had been lifted off my shoulders. Something in my mind told me everything was going to be fine. I figured then and now it was all your prayers. Thank you. I was suddenly in a good mood and was getting laundry and house work done right and left. I actually felt better than I’ve felt in several days. Then the phone rang and when I saw it was the broker’s number my shoulders knotted up immediately!
He was calling to tell me he had an update on the entire sil/dmil mess. It seems the “lawyer” didn’t try to contact him again. So glad we didn’t call him. My gut instinct on that was correct. Instead W showed up with dmil in tow at the brokerage house to try and force the broker to give her at least half of the money right then (closing must be close on the house). What happened next sil never saw coming.
K—my broker, asked to speak to dmil alone, and again with sil present as to what was going on. He listened intently to W’s tale of woe as to how horrible dh and I were being to dmil, not knowing he has been in constant contact with us. K asked my mil a series of questions and refused to let W prompt her with answers. All of this took place with his assistant in the room to “witness’ the event. A common practice, notes were taken. K remained friendly the whole time they spoke and then when W asked for a check that second—apparently she doesn’t know how stocks work. Nothing is split second with the sale of stocks, bonds or mutual funds (we have dmil very diversified to protect her interests after she lost so much with Worldcom) he politely smiled and told her.
“No you cannot have a check, now or ever. In fact I am having my assistant draw up the paperwork to put this account into (I forget the word he used) declaring her mentally incompetent!” W came unglued and screamed at him she had a POA that she could do anything she wanted. He said he never raised his voice once and calmly told her it was obvious to him that Pauline had absolutely no clue what was going on and that W was driving the train so to speak and was trying to take advantage of her mother.
W threatened him with legal action and he told her he was in fact following both Oklahoma and Federal Law and performing his duty as an authorized official of both to protect Pauline!!!! That W could wave around all the poa’s she had illegally obtained she wanted, she could call any lawyer she wanted but it would do her no good. That with the filing of the paperwork NOTHING could be done on the account without both Pauline and Gary physically there in his presence and he was certain the money was going for BOTH their best interests. That no matter what lawsuit W tried to bring about it would not get her the money now or ever. That he would testify that she was being abusive to Pauline. He also told her he would be notifying social security of the situation to expect to be hearing from them.
Needless to say W left plenty pissed off. When K told me this I burst into tears. It’s over. Kathryn you and the others who said give her enough rope and she’d hang herself were so right! She did it and it didn’t take her long. You see I have a durable power of attorney for dmil. For those of you who don’t know a durable says on it that it cannot be revoked if the person is ever declared incompetent and Pauline has now been declared so once by a doctor, twice by the social security office and now by the broker. What that means is every paper she’s signed since that first diagnosis is invalid. Sil’s control of her money, my niece’s POA everything. We can’t be hit with any loans, or charge cards sil had dmil sign, nothing. If sil does not rectify EVERY single penny of what she has done she can and will go to jail and dh and I have to do nothing to do it because it is now in the hands of the Federal Government!!!! Hmmm, I wonder if she’ll get to wear her front teeth she wears to cover her meth mouth in prison.
I told K to not take this the wrong way, but I said “K I love you!” He just laughed. Then reminded me faux firmly this also meant we couldn’t cash the account out either. Which he knew we had no intentions of doing anyway.
About a week ago or a little more, I could not find my kindle anywhere. I remembered using it while sitting in the recliner …. I was checking email. Dh said he remembered me using it there too and then putting it on the side table when done. I looked in the cushions of both recliners, the sofa, closets, cabinets … all over the house. I finally figured I had left it in a buggy at a store, primarily Wal-Mart of Hobby Lobby. I didn’t dare tell dh that right away …. I mean, we just got our kindles at Christmas. However, I was almost to the point of talking to the manager at each store to see anyone had turned it in … Yeah, right, like that is gonna happen.
Well a day or so later, I had not yet called either store but sat down at my laptop at my desk in my studio/craft room. I had a stack of papers next to it an started rifling through them to remind me what they were. Lo and behold! There was my kindle! Good thing it wasn’t a snake or I would have been bitten several times while my kindle was “lost”.
I do have a spot that I normally put my purse in when I come in the door. However my purse is not big enough to properly hold my kindle so I need another “home” for it. Will have to figure that out when I have more brain cells that are awake. LOL
I am SO glad that I’m not the only one have senior moments this week! Just today I had a doozie! Had security at work out looking for my purse, fellow co-workers trying to console me…then I remmebered it was in my office! DUH! I was SO embarrased! LOL! But alls well that ends well, TGIF!
Because of the rain/snow/ice/rain of the last 4-5 days, therefore I had not left the house since the previous weekend any further than to do the daily outside chores very carefully. Due to the good news we received last night we decided to go out for pizza to celebrate.
Just as most women do I got ready to go and went to gather up my purse and leave. That is when the question formed “Where’s my purse?” It was not in its designated place in the living room, I’m generally very strict about where my purse belongs and it goes there immediately upon entering the house with it. I checked where I do bills, nope I hadn’t moved it to there. I asked both men if they have knew where it was, thinking maybe they’d got postage or something else out of it with my permission and just hadn’t put it back. No, so an all out hunt began. We checked everywhere I might have possibly left it in the house. The guys checked to see if I’d left it in either truck. Nope. So I started retracing my steps as to when I remember having it last. First I had to remember when that was. Surely it wasn’t since Sunday. But then I thought about the weather this week and realized it was.
So where did we go on Sunday that I might of left it somewhere? Let’s see we took the girls (our two farm dogs) for a very rare treat of a ride and a kiddie burger at Burger King. But I didn’t get out of the truck then and I know I had it because I came up with the two dollars in change to buy the dogs burgers out of it. Then we went to the feed store. I used it at the feed store, but I remember handing it to dh so I could have my hands free to climb up into the big old dually. He verified I did this. We had been nowhere else. So where was it?
Next I started thinking about when we got home. I remembered taking it out of the floor board and…what did I do next? Misty Georgia was tangled up in her leash and safety harness (we seatbelt our girls in when they ride with us for their safety and ours) and I had to set the purse down to free her before she got even more tangled. But where did I set it? My mind was whirling by this time. Dh had decided I must have taken it back to the house when we got home and he was going to find it because he was HUNGRY and wanted that pizza. I stopped him at the icy steps and said “I think I’m gonna need a new purse.”
My brain had finally engaged and I had turned around to look on the tree stump behind me. There frozen to the tree stump full of snow and ice, frozen solid was my cloth purse. DUHHHHHH! Needless to say I had a bit of cleaning up and drying out to do. The purse, a cheap but previously still usable one is now thawed and slowly drying to see if it can be salvaged. My bathroom counter is covered with important receipts, things like social security cards etc that I’m trying to dry out without them ruining.
Eldred I want you to go back and re-read this. This confirms you are a viable candidate for the jobs you are applying for. But it is an employer’s market. I would bet you dollars to donuts that it came down to money and the other candidate asked for less money because they have far less experience than you. This company will get what they paid for, a far inferior employee as a result.
Over the years dh has received similar notifications and most of the time he has heard back from the company asking if he’s still available because the person they hired for less didn’t work out.
Once dh LOST a job he already had because some bean counter convinced the company owner that a kid straight out of school could do the work as well and at half the rate. Seriously, dh was told that they were letting him go not because of the quality of his work, but because of the cost of his salary. Dh told them then they were making a mistake because experience will save them money in the long run.
It wasn’t long before the company was calling him begging him to come back. Their “cheaper” alternative had cost them MILLIONS of dollars because of his lack of experience and how bad he screwed up everything. Some of it was so bad they were in the middle of a legal battle about it. Dh went back, but only AFTER he demanded and received a HUGE pay raise and a better benefit package.
So don’t give up. You have a skill, you have value, and most of all you have EXPERIENCE.
I found this in my inbox after a LOUSY night at bowling: “John, thank you for reaching out to me. I did mention I would let you know one way or another in regard to the position and I need to report to you that the position has been filled. I needed to wait until the person showed up to be certain the position was filled. The new person started Monday.
I want to compliment you on your interviews and let you know that you were a very close second for this position. Should things not work out, I will try to reach out to you knowing that your status or interest in this position may very well change.
Thank you again for your interest in this position.”
This was one of the jobs that I had a second interview on, like a month ago. And didn’t get. I think I’m gonna drown my sorrows in a box of Girl Scout cookies…goodnight.